I connected with Bob Rich, an Australian author, quite a few years ago. Bob is a dedicated writer who says that “a writer must write” and that he can no more give up writing than he can do without breathing. In addition to his novels, Bob entertains and informs readers regularly with his newsletter Bobbing Around.
Tragically, Bob’s daughter died last December. In her honour he has sent this guest post. There’s also a description of the book Bob wrote following Natalie’s death titled The Hole in Your Life: Grief and Bereavement. Dr. Bob Rich is a trained psychotherapist.
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When I went to school (ancient times — the middle of last century), history was a desert: lists of dry facts. Lists of kings, of battles, of migrations, of cultural changes… In a word, YAWN.
Fortunately, I knew better, thanks to a war I had personally fought before I even knew there was such a thing as history. You see, when I was five, this man crashed into our family and stole my mother from me. He clearly wished I didn’t exist, and this was mutual. So, I fought a secret war. I was the perfect child who was never, ever caught at doing anything wrong, but my subterranean actions made his life a misery. Here is an extract from Ascending Spiral, my fictionalized autobiography:
I was always the first to arrive at HIS apartment, which never became home. One day, I washed the breakfast dishes and put them away and vacuumed the lounge room. Otherwise, Mother would have had to do these things, because HE never did any housework. Then I sneaked into the little room off the corridor that the maid had slept in before the War. Having a maid was anticommunist, so now the room was for junk, including shelves full of books. I picked a book and took it to my room. It happened to be about African animals with pictures, so it was interesting, but even a boring book was better than nothing.
The door slammed. HE was home. I stayed quiet, and as usual HE acted as if I didn’t exist. Unfortunately, after awhile I had to relieve myself, and this meant going past HIM. As I tried to creep by without attracting HIS attention, HE looked up. “Oh you’re stupid! Why the hell are you tiptoeing like you had shit in your pants? Walk like you were a human being!”
What could I say? But while washing my hands, I noticed HIS slippers, neatly parked in the bathroom. I took one of HIS razor blades, and carried the slippers into the junk room. Enough light came through the glass door although the room had no window. I cut some of the stitching between the sole and upper of each slipper, just enough to have it wear through in a few days. With luck, HE’d trip and break his neck. Then I blunted the razor blade and put it back in its packet, in fourth position. Sure enough, later that week HIS face was covered in little bloody cuts. After this, once a month I blunted a razor blade, mincing HIS face by remote control on some random day HE could never predict…
The book I found another day was about English sailors who attacked Spanish ships and took their gold. Queen Elizabeth had told them to do it. I decided that if this was good enough for a queen, it was good enough for me. So, I explored the cellar and found pencils, erasers, rulers, watercolor paints, notebooks, stuff like that, leftovers of HIS father’s business. I took these to school and used them in two ways. I sold some to get Spanish gold and made gifts to those boys who hadn’t been actively unkind. This way, I managed to be accepted by some, and after awhile used them as shields from the bullies.
So you see, Sir Walter Raleigh and his fellow authorized pirates were my inspiration.
This is what history is for.
Real people like Sir Wally, or characters set in a historical setting, bring past times to life.
Battles, migrations, clashes of cultures are not grains of dry facts in a desert, but settings for people with emotions. My friend, Florence Weinberg, will take you back to the conflict between Huguenots and Catholics in France so you are not just reading about it, but THERE. My friend, Mary Tod, brings to life an Admiral’s wife in Hong Kong some time ago. Both these authors achieve their magic by focusing in on emotion.
The genocide of First Nations people is not a dry fact but a terrible tragedy. The news rub our noses in the horror of today’s genocides. We need to know the triumphs and losses of past tragedies, and historical fiction is the most powerful way of giving context to the triumphs and losses of today.
But don’t worry. History isn’t (necessarily) horror. It can be full of, well, whatever life is full of including joy and fun and adventure.
All the same, to be true, the horror needs to be there, too. How to cope with the trauma of today’s news? How to cope with the second-hand guilt of our ancestors’ actions? One of my little jokes is, I wish I were a psychopath, unable to have empathy.
Fortunately, I have a great toolkit for coping with the worst. My dear daughter died, all too young, last December, and my just-published 20th book is dedicated to her.
Grieving about the crimes against humanity being committed every day on the news is no different in kind from grieving about a personal loss. If the actions of the people running, and ruining, our world make you want to jump off the planet, you will benefit from reading The Hole in Your Life: Grief and Bereavement.
The Hole in Your Life: Grief and Bereavement by Bob Rich
The Hole in Your Life by Dr. Bob Rich is a heartfelt, practical guide to understanding grief and healing from it. Rooted in personal experience – most notably the loss of his daughter, Natalie – and decades of psychological counselling, Dr. Rich offers readers compassionate tools for navigating bereavement. Drawing on real-life case studies, mindfulness techniques, and the “seven magic bullets” for wellbeing, he explores the complexities of grief, from anticipatory sorrow to finding meaning and renewal. Blending storytelling, humor, and therapeutic insight, this book serves as both a comfort and a roadmap for anyone experiencing loss, emphasizing that while grief is unique and unpredictable, growth and peace are possible.
Many thanks, Bob, for reminding us of the value of history and for sharing your perspectives on grief in your latest book.
FOR MORE ON READING & WRITING HISTORICAL FICTION FOLLOW A WRITER OF HISTORY. There’s a SUBSCRIBE function on the right hand side of the page.
M.K. Tod writes historical fiction. Her latest novel THAT WAS THEN is a contemporary thriller. Mary’s other novels, THE ADMIRAL’S WIFE, PARIS IN RUINS, TIME AND REGRET, LIES TOLD IN SILENCE and UNRAVELLED are available from Amazon, Nook, Kobo, Google Play and iTunes. She can be contacted on Facebook or on her website www.mktod.com.
One Response
Mary, THANK YOU for featuring my little essay, and letting the world know about my 20th book. This morning I’ve had people subscribe to my blog, Bobbing Around, and now I know why. You are the guilty party!
One of the techniques for coping with anything is the positive psychology tool of generosity. “The more you give, the more you get, and also, the more you give, the more you grow.” So, anyone who sends me proof of purchase of one of my books has earned a second title, free. Emailing me a review via the contact page at Bobbing Around qualifies as proof.